Personal: Thinking Out Loud

Selfish, I’ve been called it often, another was ‘it’s all me, myself & I with you!’ – Starting off straight away I’m not selfish, I put people before myself 95% of the time, but I’ve  become a firm believer in the true fact that sometimes you have to put yourself first & foremost in life!

I’ve always been the person to please others, put them first & do what they like & please. But at 19 years of age I stood up & realised I had become a door mat, I had little friends who love & respected me. It was more of a case that they wanted me around to make themselves look better or to have someone to help them by when life was tough for them. My life has been pretty easy going, of course a few rough patches came up but we as a family got through, then college came & I began finally growing as a person! I found a group of people I became friends with & had fun with, then second year arrived & I became a nervous wreck, anxiety riddled me, getting out of bed was a nightmare, I could barely get to lectures.. so in the end my head lecture stepped in & sent to to talk to a counseler! I honestly thought I was going to die at the thought of having to talk to a complete stranger, but pretty much instantly she found out what kind of person I was – I worry about others, I talk about others, everyone comes before me & my happiness & little or nothing is about me! The hard realisation hit me like a bus, a total stranger took a minute to look & list to me & had me kinda worked out! I continued for about 12 visits in which I had to slowly learn to talk about me, my thoughts, worries & even my wants & desires in life! I can honestly admit it was one of the toughest times & things I had to over come & to be honest I had to do it a majority alone or I’d just start with the putting others first all over again! But I’d do it again in a heart beat because it really helped me, help me grown & develop!

Fast forward to now, 24 years old me & I’ll admit I still put others before me 80% of the time but that other 20% is soaked up with myself, I take me time, I spoil myself (mostly with bubble baths!) & I finally have started to admit my anxiety to others! I can now say if I can’t cope or do things for others, I can use coping mecomizimes to get through my rough spots but most of all when I’m at my worst I can finally 100% admit to myself that I have ‘self love’ – I love things about myself & the person I am! That sometimes it’s okay to make things all about me or a few!

This little chat has been a little more of a get to know me, but also a reminder to everyone that putting yourself first isn’t a bad thing, it healthy & a must in life! Take ‘you’ time each week & remind yourself of your value, your own self worth! This makes yourself much happier & helps others to grow in love for you too!

As always, Thanks for reading! Until next time!

RoaM -X-

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2 thoughts on “Personal: Thinking Out Loud

  1. Gem says:

    You go girl for writing this post and being able to speak out about your anxiety now! I’m glad you find time for your self and your right we all need to be a little selfish from time to time. All your lush bubble baths 🙂

    I’m always here to chat if need it or someone else isn’t around lovely! Xxx

    Gem |

    Liked by 1 person

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