Friendship is often described as ‘a relationship of mutual affection between people, a stronger form of an interpersonal bond than an association…characteristics include affection, sympathy, honesty, mutual understanding & compassion, enjoyment of each other’s company, trust & the ability to be oneself, express feelings & make mistakes without fear of judgment from the friend.‘ Sounds wonderful right? The sad reality of this is that finding that kind of friendship is rare & really difficult & whats even more difficult is keeping this kind of friendship alive & thriving with the lives we all live.
In the almost 25 years of live I’ve lived I will admit I’ve only had a handful of friends & as I enter this 25th year I’ll admit again I only have about 2/3 friends. I guess in all of this it shows I’ve issues with gaining & growing friendships, I can admit this easily because I do struggle, I’ve had a lot in life & along the way I’ve had many ‘friends’ or so called that have stabbed me in the back & talked about me & my family behind my back – these aren’t friends & as the year went on it got easier & easier to get rid of these people.
So my theory – ‘Friends are like Flowers‘
Most people like flowers (I say most, because there are the rare few) when you love flowers you have a number of reasons right? Maybe its how they look or smell, or maybe like me its the process, the life cycle of them – You watch these grow & thrive, you feed them, prune them, ensure they have enough light etc. You see the true beauty of this stunning piece of nature. But if you take these components away, maybe you don’t feed or water it, or leave it in the dark, what happens? It slowly starts to wither & most often dies.
It’s just like friendship, again most people love & want friendship (again I say most, cause there are the ones who aren’t into friendship) You want friendship for reasons, to have a person/people that are similar enough to you, you share times together & create memories. You what your friendships grow & become beautiful & true. Now just like the plant it takes effort to see these friendships blossom -it takes effort from both sides, people giving & taking. But when this doesn’t happen on both sides the friendship becomes strained just like the plant lacking food, it becomes weak & slowly withers. This is when the friendship goes down hill, you can give & give & give but after a while of not receiving you become weak, as weak as the friendship (or plant) now gets, you’re weak, you struggle to give & because you can’t give the friendship dies.
So now I ask you, what do you do with a dead plant? Yes, you throw it out, you get rid of it to the bin or compost. And this is the exact same as a friendship, you have to now get rid of this dead friendship. You don’t water a dead plant & its the exact same, don’t give extra time & energy to already dead friendship. As long as you know you tried you’ve done your part, but you can’t be expected to keep a friendship a float for months on end & get nothing back. That’s not your job, a friendship involves two or more friends not just one!
So there it is, my friendship theory, I worked this out almost a year ago & to some it might seem harsh but its working for me & I’ve never been happier. I give 100% to every friendship I’ve ever had, I know that & I know I always will, its just who I am. But whats changed now is that I’ve enough self love to know its okay to walk away when its just not a friendship. I’m a better person now & I’m an even better friend to my real friends because I now have that extra time that I’m no longer wasting on others. As I said to some it’s harsh but it’s whats working for me, who knows maybe in another year or two my theory will change.
I’d love to know what you think? What’s your friendship theory? Please comment or link me your friendship posts so I can have a read, I love reading others approaches.
*(I’ve including some of these quotes throughout to show, that although this is my theory I carry NO bad toward others/any of my old friends. Life changes, we’ve changed & I wish you well!)
As always, Thanks for reading! Until next time!
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